Finding a Center of Balance (Part 1)

Perfect pictorial representation of how I currently feel

I give a lot of myself (and at 5’11”, there is a lot to give!) I remember learning about the word altruistic in high school and thinking, “Wow, that fits me to a T!” It even became one of my favorite words. I was happy making others happy – from friends, to family, to colleagues, and even to strangers. Also, I thought giving to others made me a good person in God’s eyes.

But at what point is giving of yourself too much? At what point does pure altruism backfire? When is it okay to be a little selfish? Even as I write this, I cringe at the word “selfish.” Perhaps I should ask, when is it okay to take care of one’s own needs?

The adage goes, “You can’t fully take care of others until you take care of yourself.” I struggle with this notion; I honestly don’t know what it means to take care of myself, and I’m pretty sure I am feeling the effects now. I feel…unbalanced.

Between supporting disadvantaged students, dealing with family challenges, being a shoulder to lean on for friends, trying to understand my “it’s complicated relatinship, amongst other things, I feel like I have no time for myself. The time I do have, I end up vegging out and perusing Facebook and Youtube. Then I end up feeing bad about being completely unproductive.

I NEED to make more productive time for myself. I have had this conversation with justjeoms, and I had it again last week with another friend. It’s okay to say “no” sometimes when requested to do something. It’s okay to take a vacation day or two from work. It’s okay to want to move out of the region even though your family is still here. It’s okay to schedule a date with a friend on a day that is more convenient for you. It’s okay that you’re unmarried and childless so that you can go back to school. It’s okay to do you sometimes!

Now that I believe that, my next challenge is putting it into practice. I requested 2 days off from work, and at first I felt bad for doing so during our busy recruitment season. But you know what? I really need the extra time to sort through and identify my goals and the areas of life that I want to grow in. So I’m going to use that time to do a little soul-searching. I will post my reflection in a forthcoming post.